Death Comes To The Useless
by Honest The Liar
Summary: Basically the courier is Joshua Graham who avoided being set on fire and thrown down the Grand Canyon.  There will be violence, language, and sexual themes, not all consensual.  If you don't know who he is then look him up on the fallout wiki


I awake in a dark room, trying to comprehend how in the hell I "died" AGAIN. It's one thing to almost be set on fire and thrown down a canyon, but to be shot by some piece of shit in a checkered suit after being tied up by those useless goddamn Great Khans is enough to remind myself that I was…no, AM more than a weak, spineless courier. Lucky for me those assholes didn't seem to know who I am, which either means that every fucker out there thinks I'm dead, or growing my hair and beard out worked like a charm. Hard to recognize someone when they change one of the most prominent features of themselves, which in my case was my bald, clean-shaven look. Didn't even leave the eyebrows. Hard to stay incognito back then, but back then I didn't need too. Back when I was Caesar's "Malpais Legate" and not "The Burned Man". Hell, I even had to come up with a new name, considering people aren't exactly friendly towards someone who outright says their name is Joshua Graham. As of now, I simply go by Calhoun. I'm sure my old friend won't mind to bad, especially since he didn't exactly make it back to the Followers of the Apocalypse alive. Caesar never did specify whether he had to send the message verbally or not.

I finally managed to get my body moving and sat up on what I now know is a rather uncomfortable and creaky bed, only to be pushed back down by a pair of arms. Instinct tells me to fight it and instinct is the only thing that kept me from being set on fire. I headbutt the man, if that cry of pain is anything to go by, and launch myself with all my strength to make sure he is down and completely at my mercy. As I tighten the chokehold I have on him, I notice now that my "victim" is an older man, obviously not much of a fighter, but the look in his eyes shows a glint of familiarity. It appears the old geezer has been in a similar situation at least once in his life, so I figure now is a good time to get some information. Given my reputation it may be hard to imagine that thee Joshua Graham was anything more than, as one slave put it before I slit her throat, an "evil, savage monster", but I did have a former member of the Followers as my "Caesar".

I began my interrogation with a simple question. "Where the fuck am I?" The old man, with obvious fear now shown in his eyes, manage to croak out "Just calm down son and I…" "Now listen here you ugly fuck, The last time I let my guard down I got shot in the fucking head. You will answer all of my questions or I will snap your useless neck, understand?" The old man gulped and tried to nod, only to meet resistance with the hands around his throat. "Now, where the fuck am I?" I ask again. This time, the old coot decided to answer. "Goodsprings." So, I'm in the shithole I passed on the way to New Vegas huh? "Next question. Who the hell are you?" "Doc Mitchell." He's starting to calm down, so I loosen my grip slightly. If I've learned anything, it's that sometimes a sense of security or trust is enough to get someone to tell you all they know. Plus, the look on their faces as they realize that I'm not going to let them live quells a lot of the rage I have, and right now it's at an all time high. Unfortunately, I need answers and this weak, useless fucker has them. "Where are my things?" The good doctor points to a nearby locker, which shows a bit of the supposed tribal armor I found in that graveyard of a village north of Goodsprings, right before that group of Great Khans ambushed me. I let go of the doctor's throat and walked over to the locker, putting on the armor as the old man sat up and gasped for breath. After a thorough search it appeared that all that was taken was that fucking platinum chip the Mojave Express hired me to take. Of course, I really couldn't have cared less about it. I had only become a courier to get a lay of the land and, if absolutely needed, make allies. I didn't know if I could find and/or take on the Legion by myself, but there was no way in hell I would allow Caesar to live after what he tried to do to me.

I was brought back from my train of thought by the sound of the doctor clearing his throat. "You really shouldn't be walking around after what you've been through," the doctor began, "Especially after being shot in the head. You must be built as solid as an oak." Oh doc, you have no goddamn idea. This would make it…the eighth time I've died? Not like I'm worried about it. If I'm not dead yet I don't see a reason too think I ever will. "You could say that," was the only reply I was going to give, with perfect timing it seems as I found what I was searching for. As I held the throwing knife in my hand and felt the cold steel send a shiver threw my skin, I glanced behind me to see my "savior" had finally gotten to his feet. As much as I would love to hear his screams as I chopped off his useless arms and legs, I didn't know what awaited me outside, so I had to be quick and silent. " I have to thank you doc, since few people would save my life. Of course, how could you know who I am? I never did give you my name." and with that, I turned and threw the knife, hitting him directly in the head. He dropped instantly, turning face first to the ground, shoving the blade even further into his face. "My name is Joshua Graham." I packed the rest of my things and walked out of the good doctors home.

**Hi, this is Honest The Liar attempting my first fanfic. If you haven't guessed already, this story is a "what if" of a character in fallout that has never been seen but only heard; Joshua Graham. I've heard rumors that he may appear in dlc for new vegas but I've always enjoyed playing an evil character in the fallout series. I've only played the 3****rd**** fallout and new vegas but I've read his profile on the wiki. Fortunately, I can make "the burned man a bit of an oc since no one knows what he is really like. More fun for me. Review if you want, flame if you want, I don't give a damn. I hopefully will continue the story but after writing this I have a huge respect for the writers and how long they take to update. I don't own any fallout characters and I'm not making a profit from this so Bethesda can't sue me. If there are oc's then I'll tell you but as of right now I don't know where the fuck this story is gonna go. If you have questions ask. Adios assclowns.**


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